Finale: CMB, AI Consciousness, the Multiverse & the Heat Death of Dumb

Trump: “What even is microwave background radiation? Sounds like a liberal kitchen appliance.”

Me: “It’s the afterglow of the Big Bang—frozen in time and space, unlike your mental development since 1987.”

JD Vance: “The Big Bang is just a theory. Why teach it as fact?”

Nye: "So is gravity, JD. Should we stop teaching that too? Or are we saving the fall for your polling numbers?"

Elon: “We’re all in a simulation anyway. I’ll prove it with AI.”

Kaku: “You can’t even simulate a functioning social network. Let’s worry about simulating consciousness after you figure out how not to break reply chains.”

Trump: “I don’t need AI. I have instinct. Better than anyone’s.”

Response: “AI is built on data. Instinct is built on vibes. Yours seem to be from a rusty AM radio tuned to racism and diet pills.”

JD: “AI could be dangerous. What if it learns liberalism?”

Me: “If an algorithm learns empathy, critical thinking, and pattern recognition and you find that threatening… the problem isn’t the AI.”

Elon: “My AI can become conscious with Neuralink.”

Thread: “It’s 2025 and your AI still can’t distinguish between a brainwave and a YouTube ad. Let’s pump the brakes on robo-sentience.”

JD: “The multiverse sounds like science fiction.”

Response: “So does the fact that you’re a senator, but here we are.”

Trump: “In another universe, I won. Everybody says so.”

Me: “Cool. In this universe, you’re losing an argument to three scientists and a cat account. Maybe focus on that one.”

Elon: “I think AI will reach AGI next year.”

Bill Nye: “Not if you keep feeding it your tweets as training data. That’s how you get a chatbot that denies climate change and asks to buy Dogecoin.”

JD: “So you’re saying the entire universe has a background signal from an explosion we never saw?”

Neil: “Correct. It’s called the CMB. Not to be confused with the echo of your talking points—loud, ancient, and completely misunderstood.”

Trump: “Why don’t we see the multiverse?”

Kaku: “You don’t see bacteria either, but they still wreck your digestive system—just like this thread is wrecking your credibility.”

The multiverse is satanic. There’s only one America. The others are woke copies.

↳ u/QAnonCalzone: The only multiverse where you're right is the one where logic took a smoke break in 1776.

Final roast:

“Trump thinks the CMB is a conspiracy. JD thinks entanglement is socialism. Elon wants to upload his mind into the cloud like it's Dropbox for billionaires. Meanwhile, the universe expands—gracefully ignoring all of them.”

“Science isn’t political. It’s observational. If you’re consistently losing arguments to gravity, entropy, and light-speed limits, maybe it’s time to rethink your platform—not the laws of nature.”