Quantum Entanglement, Neuralink Delusions, and Schrödinger’s Elon
u/CosmicNeil🪐 (Neil deGrasse Tyson)
Elon: "Quantum entanglement is just a spooky term for faster-than-light texting between particles."
Me: "It’s not texting. It’s not information transfer. It’s *correlation without causation*. Like when your public image collapses the moment you open Twitter."
u/StringTheorySwagger (Michio Kaku)
JD Vance: "Entanglement doesn’t feel very American. It’s like particles being dependent on each other."
Kaku: "Physics doesn’t cater to nationalism. Entangled particles don’t care about your red, white, and blue logic—they just obey the Bell inequalities."
u/Bill_NyeTheReplyGuy🔬
Trump: “I like particles that are independent. Entanglement? Sounds like a failed marriage.”
Nye: "Entanglement isn’t weakness—it’s quantum harmony. Something you’d know if you ever maintained a relationship with anything other than golf balls and cheeseburgers."
u/QuantumCatLady 🐈⬛
Elon: "We could stabilize entanglement networks with Neuralink. Brain-to-brain communication at light speed."
Thread: "My guy, you can't even stabilize your website uptime. Sit down before you entangle someone's frontal lobe with a toaster."
u/FeynmanButPetty 🧠
Trump: “Quantum stuff is just made up by China to confuse our children.”
Me: "Yeah, China invented Heisenberg and Planck. Next up: gravity, brought to you by the woke agenda and George Soros's apple collection."
u/NASAinHeels 🚀
JD: "So you're saying two particles can be connected across galaxies?"
Yes, JD. It’s called non-locality. Not to be confused with your political stance, which changes depending on the zip code you’re in.
u/MultiverseMami 🌌
Elon: “I believe in the multiverse. In one of them, I'm still dating Grimes and Neuralink works.”
Response: “In that universe, you also understand physics. So, statistically, it’s extremely rare.”
u/SchrodingersClapback
Trump: "I’ve never seen Schrödinger’s cat. Maybe it’s not real."
Thread: “Like your healthcare plan, your wall, and your Nobel Peace Prize?”
u/PlanckThicc
Elon: "We could achieve teleportation via quantum copying. Just need more funding."
Everyone: “Teleportation doesn’t copy matter, it copies quantum *states*. You’re not going to beam up your ego through broadband, chief.”
u/ActualPhysicist69
↳ JD: "Entanglement sounds like socialism."
Me: "Cool, then consider the fact that all your atoms are entangled across the quantum foam with the same reality you’re trying to deny. Enjoy the socialist spin states, comrade."
u/QAnonCalzone 🍕
Entanglement is fake. Nothing is connected unless God signs off on it.
u/WavefunctionWarlord
↳ u/QAnonCalzone: Tell me you failed 8th grade science without telling me you failed 8th grade science.
u/CollapseThisWaveform
In Schrödinger’s thought experiment, the cat is both alive and dead. In Elon’s version, the cat is tweeting memes about Dogecoin while accidentally shorting its own stock.
u/Heisenbros_Uncertainty
Trump: “Nobody knows quantum like I do.”
Neil: “Then measure the position and momentum of this L.”
Elon: "Quantum entanglement is just a spooky term for faster-than-light texting between particles."
Me: "It’s not texting. It’s not information transfer. It’s *correlation without causation*. Like when your public image collapses the moment you open Twitter."
JD Vance: "Entanglement doesn’t feel very American. It’s like particles being dependent on each other."
Kaku: "Physics doesn’t cater to nationalism. Entangled particles don’t care about your red, white, and blue logic—they just obey the Bell inequalities."
Trump: “I like particles that are independent. Entanglement? Sounds like a failed marriage.”
Nye: "Entanglement isn’t weakness—it’s quantum harmony. Something you’d know if you ever maintained a relationship with anything other than golf balls and cheeseburgers."
Elon: "We could stabilize entanglement networks with Neuralink. Brain-to-brain communication at light speed."
Thread: "My guy, you can't even stabilize your website uptime. Sit down before you entangle someone's frontal lobe with a toaster."
Trump: “Quantum stuff is just made up by China to confuse our children.”
Me: "Yeah, China invented Heisenberg and Planck. Next up: gravity, brought to you by the woke agenda and George Soros's apple collection."
JD: "So you're saying two particles can be connected across galaxies?"
Yes, JD. It’s called non-locality. Not to be confused with your political stance, which changes depending on the zip code you’re in.
Elon: “I believe in the multiverse. In one of them, I'm still dating Grimes and Neuralink works.”
Response: “In that universe, you also understand physics. So, statistically, it’s extremely rare.”
Trump: "I’ve never seen Schrödinger’s cat. Maybe it’s not real."
Thread: “Like your healthcare plan, your wall, and your Nobel Peace Prize?”
Elon: "We could achieve teleportation via quantum copying. Just need more funding."
Everyone: “Teleportation doesn’t copy matter, it copies quantum *states*. You’re not going to beam up your ego through broadband, chief.”
↳ JD: "Entanglement sounds like socialism."
Me: "Cool, then consider the fact that all your atoms are entangled across the quantum foam with the same reality you’re trying to deny. Enjoy the socialist spin states, comrade."
Entanglement is fake. Nothing is connected unless God signs off on it.
↳ u/QAnonCalzone: Tell me you failed 8th grade science without telling me you failed 8th grade science.
In Schrödinger’s thought experiment, the cat is both alive and dead. In Elon’s version, the cat is tweeting memes about Dogecoin while accidentally shorting its own stock.
Trump: “Nobody knows quantum like I do.”
Neil: “Then measure the position and momentum of this L.”