Dark Energy vs. Patriot Physics: Elon, Trump & Vance get crushed by astrophysics

Trump: “We don’t need dark energy. We need strong American energy. Coal, natural gas, and courage.”

Tyson: “You can’t frack spacetime, Mr. Trump. Dark energy drives the expansion of the universe—not even Texas can drill that deep.”

JD Vance: “Dark energy is just a theory. Shouldn’t we question it?”

Kaku: “That’s like saying parachutes are just theories of momentum. You can question gravity from the ground. Questioning from 30,000 feet gets... messy.”

Elon: “Dark energy could just be a computational illusion. I’ve been running some simulations on this.”

Nye: “You’re mistaking ‘running a simulation’ for ‘arguing with Reddit in MATLAB.’ You can’t debug the cosmos with a midlife crisis and a GPU.”

Elon: "If space is expanding, why don't we feel it?"

Thread: "If logic was expanding, you wouldn't be on this thread asking that."

Dark energy is a globalist hoax to make you buy more telescopes.

↳ u/QAnonCalzone: You think photons are woke and now you’re beefing with expansion rates. My guy, do you argue with the tides too?

Elon: “I might rebrand dark energy. Maybe call it Freedom Expansion™.”

Response: “Rebrand your understanding of physics first, Elon. Dark energy isn’t something you can monetize—unless you’re charging per unit of ignorance.”

JD: “Why don’t we see dark energy?”

Thread: “Same reason we don’t see your spine when you flip on every issue. It’s there. Just inconveniently transparent.”